Burned into my memory, the sight of green eyes smiling at me in the moonlight streaming through her window. Her intoxicating smell filling my nostrils with sweetness. Her soft, tanned skin beneath my hands and face.

There is something about lying with your woman in her pyjamas that mellows the soul and puts everything into perspective. Those magical moments spent pressed up against another human being with nothing separating you. In the rising light of the morning, it is us against the world.

We talked about everything and nothing that mattered, and went from enthusiastic strangers to teary-eyed lovers saying goodbye.

Her memory continues to fill my mind. Its little things; her gorgeous Spanish accent, Affectionate phrases, along with the way she plays with my hair or touches my face.

I like to think that everything happens for a reason- every little moment or person I meet has a part to play in my journey as I play a part in theirs.

For us lonely souls, there are reminders that there is love coming but just out of arms reach. Its a teaser, a signal to not give up hope. To fight with all the strength we can muster as we ride - broken and scarred but with high spirits - through the rapids of life.

Araitz, thank you for the gifts you have given me. Thank you for your sweetness and gentle touch. Thank you for those 11 hours that were arguably the best 11 hours of my life.

Long lost nights

And an ache of lust

I can feel your touch

I will feed on us

Low tide sighs

And it's not enough

I would lace you up

I could taste your love

Echoes burn me in the night

My silence you're stealing

Since you taught me how to do it right

My heart has been bleeding

Begging to return the light (You taught me babe)

In the silence i'm kneeling (Now I crave someone)

You taught me how to do it right (Who feels the same)

My heart has been bleeding

-- Bigger than Love - Ian Bluestone

An update.

Its been a while.

My wonderful time at uni is coming to a close. The things I have learnt, the memories I've made and the people I've met are all fantastic. Now that I face my final semester, the remaining 6 months are colored with a tinge of finality and nostalgia. I'm going to miss it.

Career wise, things are going well too. While I am studying I.T, I have always had a keen interest in electronics and engineering. While interning at a software company, I saw an opportunity to move into a team developing new products - working on both the software and hardware sides. As this is something that interests me greatly, I took it. It is immensely challenging, but the work is very interesting and I am learning so much. Even better, I was offered a very flexible casual contract to continue my work following the internship, so I will continue working at this company. Exciting times.

I have long held the idea of moving out to be important next stage in my personal development. Working two days a week over an hour from home, AND juggling full time uni is no easy feat, so I am considering renting an apartment/studio somewhere in the city to reduce the complexity of some things. This is by no means a small mental barrier - but it would be a big step forward for me.

In terms of keeping myself organised, I have a number of things on my event horizon. As usual, this consists of a combination of self-development/organisational/work-related and personal projects:

  • Recycle old shirts that no longer fit me to reduce clutter in the amount of clothing I have
  • Throw out old socks / jackets
  • Find a rental property for the next 6 months - either on my own or with a flatmate (M.M)
  • Clean/consolidate my room, preferably putting the things worth keeping into boxes
  • Get all important toolchains working on my laptop - so I can work anywhere


  • Panel creator cad program - for creating DXFs for laser cutting
  • PIC Web IDE - to make programming PIC micro controllers as easy as arduino
  • 145MHz Oscillator circuit and custom PCB - my first entry into the world of RF electronics
  • ESP8266 mesh network node - Building a mesh network using the popular wifi SoC. Each node will have a large battery and a solar panel.
  • Access Control System (ACS) for the BioFoundry bio-hackerspace - built using ESP8266s, electric door strikes, and relays.

Project wish list:

  • Generalised communications system (probably based off IRC) for a chat network or signalling in a distributed system.

  • Generalised plugin architecture for running code and gathering data in the field - for general infosec research.

  • RTL-SDR tool for finding and decoding data bursts in the 433Mhz range (for finding and decoding transmissions from arbitrary devices automatically).

As always, stay frosty.


Moments Pt. 3 - Time

An ecstasy of waves gently lapping the bow of the ship. The sunset casts shadows across the Brisbane cityscape, giving colour to the wind as it spirals across the deck, beckoning passengers closer. We lean away from it's edge, edging towards each other.

The boat docks. Strangers take their seats at the bow. Enter a traveler, run away to Australia to meet the world. Half a world away, she lands sitting next to us. The specifics are a fantastic blur as I snuggle into you.

A euphoria of laughter in the biting wind. Our mysterious traveller, a German, meets two misfits who unceremoniously collided on a casual night in a cold place.

Despite the moment, I couldn't help but savour the feeling.

A rapture of possibility,

us travellers drifting, tumbling,

through a chasm of entropy

yet settling perfectly for the happiness of two young souls.

Moments Pt. 2 - Memories

Up the lift, take a left. Cross at the lights, pass the old abandoned house with graffiti on the walls and roof collapsing, duck under the branch from the red-brick-house-that-never-does-their-gardening, and take another left.

Over the hill, the road leans home to a comfy bed and phone charger, winding past a mosaic of memories in the distant city lights.

Sydney Lights

I don't stop walking as memories of freedom, late nights, and flashing lights swirl around me, each step as rhythmic as each night that preceded it. Some memories, almost magical, euphoric, colour the road before me as they do my early adult life. They contrast the calmer nights, a fresh sponge soaking up the nights and heights of the people and places around me. Freedom in sight, never alone.

So every evening on the way home, I walk down memory lane- filled with the scenery of summer nights. Without fail, I cannot help but to smile, remembering the memory of what those lights mean to me.

Moments Pt. 1 - Place

A never-ending wave of water crashing - the music of the deep ocean embracing the ships bow. The vessel barely rocks at all, the tenderness of its movements made up of the same steel which composes the hull. In the distance, the navy blue colour of the water fades to black, broken only by the reflection of the bright, full moon.


The lights on the deck are dim now, casting warm shadows upon pool spaces and lonely eating places. Noise has departed - young children and shoulder-to-shoulder sunbathers replaced with quiet old couples drifting in the sounds of the sea. Below my feet, a thousand smiles line the dining rooms and cinema aisles, jokes are passed and friends laugh to one another, long lost lovers fall in love again for the first time.

And just for an instant, the moment lingers - bright eyes caught and reflected back by the sea around me, beaming, fading. But like wind it passes on, destined to float a lifetime lost, hoping to be rescued - even just for a fleeting moment - by a ponder soul, searching through their sea of memories.


Everyone remembers the good times.

But there are times when I spend so much time thinking chasing these memories that it's just depressing.

Lets return to the past in the present tense. Picture you're there; having the time of your life at whatever place it is. IE: at some event/party chillin with good people. If your default is an introvert like me, you feel fine, even good; but not amazing. Only afterwards, when you start missing the company, or when its almost over, do you realise how much you enjoyed it in contrast to your immediate future or a pending monotonous lifestyle.

At this stage, missed opportunities and fantasies of what could have been expand to fill your mind. At times, you might imagine what you wish could have happened in extreme detail. And every time you do, its like you back there, literally living the dream, a side of you that could have been if only you were a different person.

You end up missing the times you had, but also the times you could have had, if you did something or circumstances were different.

This reminiscence can be extremely crushing; if you have nothing to look forward to. You explore every turn of events and possibility in your mind, as if somehow you could discover a way to return to that bliss; a bliss you didn't realise was bliss at the time.


I know, caught up in the middle. I cry, just a little, when I think of letting go. I know, gave up on the riddle. I cry, just a little, when I think of letting go.

- Cry (Just a little) by Bingo Players

Sometimes I miss my memories. This is understandable, and thoughts of nostalgia are common. But nostalgia only applies to memories which we enjoy and miss. What about memories which we did not nessesarily enjoy? or don't miss? What are we to call them? Or, more importantly, why do I find myself thinking about it?