Two steps forward, one step backward

All things take time. Progress and the steps that come to define it (in hindsight) are elusive in the present yet painfully obvious in reflection. And now, in this moment, I feel like I've been spinning in circles and all the while shuffling backward.

She's done very, very little to show me she wants to be in my life. All my friends are worried that I keep trying to keep her around, and think her unreliable and only going to cause me pain. I don't disagree. Why am I still here?

Would it go against my being to tell her off straight -- that shes been a shitty partner/date-ner, I need / am-looking-for better, and goodbye? And why haven't I done that yet?

Have I been so busy that I forgot about doing things thoughtfully and deliberately?

Should I try and slow down and find my center, or push harder into the things that I think will improve myself and the things I want to do with my time?

Have I let my foot off the gas as of late? I feel like I should be further along in terms of being bold-er socially & in my romantic life, but lately I havent even enjoyed being out.

Its 2 weeks till Christmas. I'll be at a very chaotic party with Jackie tonight, on a flight for a few days in NYC by Tuesday, and launching a feature at work Wednesday. I hope the following week will bring a slowdown, and, clarity.


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